I'm Jealous Of My Friends

photo c/o lauren werkheiser photography 

Internet Jealousy... I hate to admit it, but this is something I struggle with. Even with my close friends. I can't help but compare and watch as other people's numbers steadily rapidly climb and mine seem to fall behind, even decreasing in number. People whom I helped get to where they are today. I try so hard, I work so hard; why is it that my hard work is not "rewarded"? Am I not pretty enough? Not thin enough? Not stylish enough? Not talented enough? Not funny, witty, well-spoken, cool enough? Am I not enough...?

These are the questions I sadly find myself asking, and for what? They do not benefit me in any way. In fact, they are detrimental to my health; not just mentally, but social, spiritually, and yes, even physically. These degrading and self-depreciating questions affect me- body, mind, and soul.

I know I am not alone here... I feel I can safely say that everyone who will read this has experienced it. (unless this is your first time ever using the internet. In that case, I'm flattered you came here. Now leave the internet forever, while you still can!) Online jealousy is a cruel joke. We as bloggers are here to share our lives, but when someone else's is fancier, bigger, better, prettier, and more popular than ours we can feel worthless.

I know I know, the blogging world is/ should be about building each other up, a community filled with others whose interests are just like yours. I fully support and believe that. I have made some of my very best friends through blogging... But there is a flip side that is not so pretty or perfect, and it's a hard one to fight against.

The truth is... That none of it really matters. (I mean yes, a lot of bloggers, including myself, do count it as a career. We depend on it for income. So in that sense it matters a great deal, especially for those who depend on it to support their families.) But this game, the comparison, the numbers... They do not matter. As long as what you are creating makes you happy and you are supporting others, then do your best to ignore the rest. Create your art and leave the rest alone. Numbers mean something to sponsors. They mean something to those who are too petty to understand what's really important (apparently I fall under this category). But they do not define you. They do not determine whether you are good or bad at expressing yourself. They do not define your worth.

You are worthy of so much more than a number on a screen. You are worthy of the moon, the stars, the sun. You are beautiful, accomplished, talented, and able. You are enough.

So remember that sharing your story is not for the famous, the model thin, the comedians, or the stylists. It is for everyone. Take pride in and enjoy your experience with social media. Share something positive, something uplifting. Make someone's day, reach out to someone new, or old, or sad, or happy. Make a difference.

have you struggled with a bit (or a lot) of "online jealousy"?